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A Matter Of Size

For a gay man a flaccid penis is about as useful as a peacock’s tail. Actually, less so. It has two functions: one, to pass urine; two, to be compared with other flaccid penises in the gents or the locker room. Rest assured, those big, swinging dongs extend proportionally far less when hard than their smaller neighbours. Erections are the great leveler!

Ever get one of those spam emails proclaiming: “Only got a seven-inch penis? Endow yourself with a more thoroughly manly member with our miracle, vacuum pump, stretchy-weight cock-crippler…”? (Well, something like that, at least.) Only seven inches? Only! What have they got? The sort of cock that makes the unsuspecting bottom think he’s getting fisted?

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. So, we dare to ask the question: does size matter?

The answer is of course a resounding YES. Disagree? Compare the experience of being seen to by a fat nine-incher with that of being vaguely perceptibly entered by a slim five. Personal tastes will vary. For the size-queen, the earth will move, on the one hand, while, on the other, it will feel a bit ticklish. Then there are those who prefer a slimmer model to enter them, because they don’t like feeling their barn-doors burst, merely quietly opened. Some like big, some like small – well, in all honesty, you don’t often hear a bunch of queens appreciatively gossiping about how exquisitely small it was. One way or the other, to a greater or lesser extent, it certainly matters.

And you know what? There’s really bugger all you can do about it. Go for the vacuum pump, or whatever, and you’ll most likely get a nice, big, very sore and utterly flaccid cock, with about as much power to rise as a chapatti, which may look good in the locker room, but there’ll be tears by bedtime.

Go for that little operation where they snip the suspensory ligaments just beneath the visible base of the cock, and you might get an extra two inches or so but they won’t point upright.

So, if you’re not that huge, what do you do?

We can answer that with more questions. Do you have a mouth? Does it have a tongue in it? Do you have hands? No offence if you don’t, but if you do, they’re there to be used when having sex. Sensitive use of whatever you’ve got, brain included, will make you a great lover.

And if your partner really does need his prostate examined, or if the evening just wouldn’t be complete without a large, pulsating bestower-of-fullness exercising in his behind, don’t be shy: Use a dildo!