Some of us can’t help but feel attached to our boyfriends in more ways than one. Some call it love, others call it clinginess, and for many gay guys it’s either one or the other. No matter how much we love our boyfriend, it seems like there’s always a limit to our affection. How long do we have before we’re considered “too clingy”?
It’s hard to wrap our heads around the mind of a clingy person. We all have bubbles and most of us have clearly defined where it is. Anyone to trespass is likely insane or unstable, or so we think. When it comes to relationships, there’s a clear difference between crazy in love and just plain crazy. Here are a few to look out for:
You’re Always Asking Him About His Feelings
Sometimes we need a little reassurance from our boyfriends to be sure he’s still in love with us. Usually it comes in the form of actionds, like taking us out, cooking dinner or by simply saying the magic words. When you’re constantly asking him where his feelings lie, it might be reaching a level of obsession. When you’re asking your boyfriend every day if he loves you, perhaps the issue has nothing to do with him and all to do with your insecurity in the relationship.
You Give Ultimatums
Ultimatums are never going to end well. Why? Because it’s threatening. “You’re either hanging out with me or going to the bar with your friends. Which is it?” or “It’s me or them” have no place in your relationship. Never should you be pressuring your man to choose between you or something else he loves. Mind you, there are certain times when this is appropriate but never until it’s become a serious problem. It will always create resentment. Pick your fights.
You Bombard His Friends With Questions
Those nights you find yourself asking his friends one too many questions about him and his feelings. If you’re constantly asking them “Has he said anything about me?” or “Do you know what’s wrong with him?” or “Do you think he’s distancing himself from me?” then perhaps it’s time to rethink your logic. By doing this you’re unintentionally inviting them to the drama that is your imagination. Never cross this line.
Fighting Turns You On
Arguing can be healthy in a long term relationship, but when you’re desperate for attention from your man it has the potential of turning into pointless fights simply to have a spotlight shown on you. Too many of those over time creates an awful imbalance. More often than not, ridiculous fights are started by people who have an intention: to make the other feel inferior. If you’re constantly starting fights, perhaps it’s because you want him to feel like he needs you. Trust me, that’s never a good reason.
You Hardly Ever Make Plans By Yourself
It’s been a while since you’ve made plans without texting him to be sure it’s alright, asking his opinions or even seeing if he wants to join. Sometimes he comes up with a “better” idea and you’ve decided to truck along because you can’t imagine spending a night a part. This is totally unhealthy and defeats the purpose of individuality. A boyfriend doesn’t own you, nor should he have any say in what you do with your free time. It’s time to cut the cord.
You Check His Emails… Secretly
This not only violates trust, it also fuels paranoia, turning it into an emotional thunderstorm. Facebook, emails, text messages, everything should be off limits. Most of the time, snooping around in his private inboxes are a sign of instability. You’re not sure he’s taking the commitment thing seriously, but more importantly you’re scared of what he’s saying about you to his friends or suspicious of his late night office hours. Get it from the horse’s mouth first before you resort to snooping. Leave that as a last resort.
You Rush Into Things
Has he mentioned that you’re taking things a bit too fast? Are you already planning your wedding? Kids? House? Retirement home? Take it easy and relax for a second. If he’s truly the man for you then he’s going to be in your life a very long time, possible forever. There’s no reason to rush into things too soon unless you’re desperate for him to be trapped in your grasp. If it’s a genuine connection, there’s never a time limit for those kinds of things. All that matters is the bond.
Checking your phone every five seconds to be sure there’s always an unread message isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. The need for constant contact will turn into a habit of dependency. Sooner or later it’ll become a routine that’s hard to break. Never make your boyfriend feel pressured to always be in contact with you. Space is one of the most undervalued things in any relationship.
Your Friends Feel Discarded
Sometimes we neglect our friends to pay more attention to our boyfriend. Though most of the time it’s unconscious, we all know we’re doing it in some form or other. More often than not it’s the friends who bring it to our attention. This is a big no no. Never sacrifice your friends for a man. True love contains both and most importantly they understand each other’s importance.
You’re Paranoid About Him Leaving You
This is the root of all clingyness. So many gay guys are fearful of their man leaving them they get pressured to always be close, assuming it’s the only antidote for a breakup. It’s time to self-analyze the situation. If you’re constantly struggling with the idea of your man leaving you, chances are it has nothing to do with his actions and all to do with your insecurity. What makes you think you’re easily leasable? What keeps you from knowing you deserve him? Why are you cursing yourself from a good thing? Look deep and hard into yourself for these answers or get help fast.