We homosexuals have always been an offensive people, even when we don’t mean to be.
Back in the early days before Stonewall, activists tried their best to be inoffensive and even invisible. They called themselves “homophiles” because “homosexual” was too scandalous. An early American Lesbian organization called itself the Daughters of Bilitis (DOB) for that same reason. Homophiles and the DOB required their members to dress and behave gender-appropriately. Can’t have butch women or queeny men setting us back, can we?
But eventually the Daughters came out and said, “Fuck off” in their own way. They held the first National Lesbian Convention in America in 1960, despite the fact that calling a woman a “lesbian” was considered an insult, and “lesbianism” was treated like a communicable disease.
It wasn’t until Stonewall, however, that we as a people publicly claimed the word “gay” and screamed it at the top of our collective lungs. It’s been ours ever since.
When we went from “homophile” to “gay,” all sense of hetero propriety went out the window. The Stonewall Riots were sparked by an unknown female dressed in men’s clothing who didn’t like being pushed into a paddy wagon so decided to push back, and all hell broke loose. Later, a chorus line of drag queens and transwomen fucked with riot police by performing dance routines in front of them and singing obscene songs. There are even reports of angry queers chasing the police, yelling, “GET ’EM! FUCK ’EM!” Women and men alike took to the streets and shouted, “GAY POWER!”
But even “gay” was too much for some of us. The rainbow flag was also too scandalous, so some of our more timid and power-hungry siblings decided to whitewash the gay right out of their movement, “Human Rights Campaign” (HRC). They restricted their colors to blue and yellow, leaving out communist red, tree-hugger green, flaming orange and that faggy, faggy shade of lavender.
Pink, of course, was out of the question. Squares don’t like triangles.
Years later, we can see for ourselves just how effective HRC has been. Not.
One huge problem with Gay identity is Straight people’s obsession with SEX, same-SEX marriage, and homoSEXuals. They look at us and they see cocksuckers, carpet munchers, and fudge-packers. But we can use their fixation on sex to our advantage. Rather than pandering to their sensitivities, let’s capitalize on that obsession.
Let’s fuck with homophobes by ridiculing their silly ideas, like the American Defense of Marriage Act.
If only Straights can get married because of the sanctity of procreative sex, then all non-procreative sex should be considered Gay, and restricted to our people only. For example:
“Sucking cock has been an important tradition for those of us who are Gay men, Bisexuals, and transwomen. As such, it is an insult to us if Straight women suck cock, especially if they have husbands. They betray the sanctity of vanilla marriage.”
We could call it the Defense of Sucking Cock Act or DOSCA. And let’s add a DOEPA, DOBFA, and even DOBOA (for defense of cunninglingus, anal sex, and masturbation, respectively).
Although procreative sex is popular among Straights, non-procreative is even more so, married or otherwise. If we could get straight folk to associate queer folk with the pleasures of spicy Straight baby-free lovemaking, we’d have gay rights worldwide in no time.