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Doing IT In Nature

Al fresco sex is fantastic and I don’t mean trundling around in the bushes of your local park.

I mean you and your partner getting out somewhere, where you’re more or less confident you won’t be seen, and feeling more naturally exposed than you ever will over the kitchen table, or in your bedroom.

There are only two rules to remember. 1 – Don’t get caught. 2 – Don’t leave used condoms behind.

If you’ve never tried sex in the great outdoors, there can be a touch of nerves. You might find you keep looking around, checking, and at the back of your mind there may continue to lurk a random geography teacher out hiking, a twitcher, or that little bird that might tell. Even small, furry woodland animals – perhaps by virtue of having seen too many Disney films – can take on a judgemental moral line approaching that of a Catholic Inquisition.

Then there’s skin, which looks different in unmediated daylight: more real, the perfections and flaws (which are a part of perfection) more visible. There’s the sun and the air against that skin – and the sound-surround which isn’t a ready-made track on your i-pod.

It’s romantic – in a non-gushy, non-chocolate-box way. Okay, it’s a touch DH Lawrence, with shades of Wordsworth, but in their brighter and less philosophical interludes.

There is a sense of exposure, vulnerability – Its a big up-yours adventure away from the claustrophobic horrors of city life and straight laced marketing representations of what nature is supposed to be.

We could go on, but suffice it to say: it needs trying. Take a picnic, invest in a large-scale map, wave at the passing planes. Oh, and one thing: WATCH OUT FOR ANTS!