Here’s fourteen reasons why the gay “engaged to be married” experience is so much better for us than our heterosexual counterparts
1. The Gifts
The second you announce you are engaged, everyone gives you their opinion along with free stuff.
2. There is no pressure to get pregnant
Need I say more?
3. We are not bound by traditional rules
Stay as traditional as you want or think out of the box. Our role models for what same-sex marriage looks like are few and far between. For this reason we can do whatever we want at our weddings. If we want to have chiseled men in shorty-shorts serving body shots it’s totally okay. Have troupe of your favourite drag queens entertain with Liza’s finest or Judy’s best is also completely acceptable.
4. You, too, can be a gold-digger
It’s not just for straights anymore! If you can’t find love at least get your bills paid.
5. Great excuse to turn down unwanted dates
When straight girls at gay bars come up to tell you that their lonely, frumpy gay buddy with no social skills thinks you’re cute (as they for some reason love to do), watch their puzzled faces as you say you’re engaged. They will either get way more excited than you about the prospect of a stranger getting married, or they will completely ignore what you just said and keep trying to fix you up.
6. Change the world
The more of us that marry and do “normal” people things, like raise kids and pay taxes, the more bigots get confronted with the fact that they actually have no choice but to love us.
7. Pay less tax
Ain’t that an extra bonus… 🙂
8. We own weddings anyway
Whenever someone trots out the stupid argument that same-sex marriage is redefining marriage you can easily point out the holes in this theory. First off, marriage has been getting redefined since its conception and now women have rights. Second, let this idiot know that Castle Light is not real beer and that gay people have been planning everyone else’s wedding for millennia. We invented weddings really when it comes down to it – but now we get to plan our own in addition to everyone else’s.
9. Now that you’re engaged you can stop using that awkward “partner” word
… unless you actually are in business with your spouse.
10. You get to find out what your friends actually think of your spouse.
… just like straight housewives gossip about their hubbies
11. You will be entitled to spousal privilege…
…which means that if your spouse kills someone, you can’t be put on the stand.
12. Show the world that gay, straight, trans are all just people who want to be treated equally.
Except for fashion – because we want to look better than they do – that’s just how we roll.
13. You can now lecture and judge your single friends about…
… how you envy them being single or how they don’t understand because they have never been married.
14. You can now refer to your spouse as the old battle-axe…
…just like your dad referred to your mom all those years ago.
Did we mention the gifts?