I was asked this by one of my fellow workers at the office this week:
“When a lesbian couple dress one as a man and the other as a woman, aren’t they just trying to be a straight couple?”
The other day I wore a tie – (because I was TRYING to be a boy?)
Then I was listening to Nicki Minaj – (because I was TRYING TO BE BLACK?)
After that I ate some tacos – (because I WANT TO BE MEXICAN?)
No, that is not how it works. We are not programmed at birth with tunnel vision. And we are not stereotypes of what you believe to be true. I know that life is a lot easier if we see everything ONE way and there is no grey area, but that’s not how it is, you guys.
I really wanna yell and yell about how ignorant some people are, but the truth is, every single person on this planet has trouble understanding someone who isn’t like them… and that’s okay.
I challenge you to open your mind and heart just a little bit and try to understand what you think ‘doesn’t make sense.’ We are not all the same and we are not all striving to be something that ‘does make sense.’ We are simply living our own lives, trying to be comfortable in our own skin, and hoping to be understood and loved for who we are. If anything, you understand that, don’t you?
If these lesbians you speak of were trying to be a straight couple… why would they not just go and find a couple of boyfriends? It isn’t like trying to be an astronaut (which takes so much practice and skill) or trying to be Turkish (which requires that you be Turkish), it literally just requires you to say, ‘Oh, hey, I really want to be in a straight relationship, so I am going to figure out what that means to me and go and date some boys.’ …
which, right out of the gates is a very over-simplified version of what ‘being straight’ even means…
DO YOU SEE HOW CONFUSING THINGS ARE WHEN YOU TRY TO MAKE THEM BLACK & WHITE?!
What is complicated about human beings is that, in this relationship you speak of, one of the couple may be attracted to the curves of the other, as accentuated by the large belt buckle and crisp, buttoned down shirt that those curves are housed within. There’s a ton of trouble in even calling one thing ‘masculine’ and another thing ‘feminine,’ but for the sake of brevity, let me just say that – for most of us – it is how those aspects of another individual interact with each other that attract us to them, not the fact that they are EXCLUSIVELY female/feminine or male/masculine.
The short answer, is no, it is most unlikely that these lesbians are ‘trying to be a straight couple.’
The more complicated answer is that, in a sense, perhaps there are elements of their relationship that play with notions of masculine and feminine – just as there are elements of imagining and play and fantasy in every relationship, ever. That doesn’t boil down to one of them ‘trying to be a boy,’ or both of them ‘trying to be straight.’ You cannot boil down sexuality to its simplest bits and call it a day. We are all much too complex for such nonsense.