When it comes to man on man action, men who worry about how long it takes them to come aren’t doing themselves any favours, in terms both of enjoying sex, rather than worrying the while, and of lasting longer.
Prolonging sex and delaying orgasm needn’t be, and shouldn’t be, an exercise in trying to switch off from feelings. Your body will just get on doing what it’s doing while your mind is trying to be elsewhere. If you want to last longer, you’d be better learning to enjoy the feeling of having sex while it’s happening, rather than fixate on the ‘goal’.
All men’s sexual response cycle has a plateau phase, when you’re aroused and the feeling is exquisite, but the ‘over the edge’ point comes and you tip over. Learning to stay on the plateau, and enjoy being there, can be key to making sex last longer.
To start with, masturbate before having sex. As to how long before, that really depends on you and can be anything between half an hour and the best part of a day. Most men last longer the second time – but this isn’t just about taking the edge off; you can use masturbation to help you gain control of when you reach orgasm.
Now, it’s true that the real surge in sensation comes just before orgasm, around the time when it’s pretty much too late to stop and go back. When you masturbate, don’t push for that maximum sensation. You might use a numerical scale – 2 being a relatively flaccid penis, 8 being very nearly almost the point of no return, beyond which 9 and 10 explode in rapid succession. Don’t worry, if you follow this method you’re not doomed to making love by numbers for the rest of your life. This is just a training stage.
Now vary the pace at which you masturbate. Vary the hands – and the ways you’re using them, in order to get away from the automatic ‘pump, pump, squirt’ routine you’ve hard-wired into your brain the last 10 000 odd times you’ve masturbated.
And on the scale, let yourself drift up and down, from three or four to seven, pulling back from eight – and taking your hand away and tightening your PC muscle (or using the squeeze technique) if you’ve very nearly almost gone too far. You can keep this exercise going for as long as you’ve got time, all the while registering your level of arousal at any one moment. (By the by, you should find that, when you do reach orgasm, it’s amongst the most explosive ever.)
All this is, probably, without your partner being present – although that is where your imagination comes in. It might well be the case that, when you transfer these plateau-stage skills to sex for two, it isn’t quite such a simple matter to keep control. That’s why you’re allowed to keep using the 1-10 scale when you’re having sex – and you’ll probably want to do that the first few times.
When you’re having sex, slow down if you’re getting to eight too quickly. Change the way you thrust. Try not thrusting, but gyrating your hips instead. Use extra lubricant to lessen the friction. Spend time kissing and caressing your partner rather than thrusting. Should you feel you’re about to tip over, stop and tighten your PC muscle while you regain control.
Techniques such as these can help you last longer – but don’t forget that the real key to enjoying casual sex is plenty of loving foreplay. Given that, your boyfriend is probably a lot less concerned about how long you last than you are.