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It’s in his eyes

It happens in the oddest places. In a gay bar, okay, it’s expected, but then there’’s the train, the sidewalk, the hospital waiting room – even that mega-straight local pub you go to on time out from gay space. You catch an eye. Wherever. What do you do next?

If you’’re looking, at least beyond the first split-second, that’s already a sign of curiosity. What stops people running with that? Perhaps it’s the fear if you so much as smile, let alone exchange words, you’ll be inevitably gay-honour bound to have sex with someone you might not actually like.

If that’s the case, there’s a simple solution. Smile, wink, wave. Then go and say hi. If everyone did this the fear that you might end up having to have sex would evaporate. You wouldn’’t need to keep yourself furtive. Saying hi to people who seem on the whole pretty fit would be a regular human exchange.

There’s a selection of phrases to master. ‘I don’t want to have sex with you.’ ‘I’m not really looking right now.’ ‘Not tonight.’ ‘I don’t fancy you.’ ‘I have to go and talk to him now.’

It’s probable you won’’t have to use them, but as a last resort it’s handy to know they’’re there. It means you’re free to say other things, such as: ‘Hi! How are you?’