Here’s my all important Top 10, New Year’s Resolutions for Lesbians. Use it wisely and don’t forget who told you so.
1. Wear comfortable shoes.
Now, you might think that all lesbians wear comfortable shoes anyway, but that isn’t the case. There are as many types of lesbian as there are types of women – and even more varieties of shoes. The problem I have with UNcomfortable shoes is exactly that; the discomfort. Apart from the pain, those stupidly high heeled shoes just cause ridiculous amounts of damage to spines and so on.
2. Give up the gossip.
Gossip isn’t a lesbian-specific activity, of course, but it does become rife in small, enclosed communities. Ultimately, as much fun as it can be, it’s hurtful and often harmful. Recently I made what I thought was an innocuous remark to someone; within a couple of weeks it had caused tension in ludicrous ways.
3. Say no to dyke drama.
This links in to the above resolution, of course. Again, it might seem like fun at first, but soap operas are not meant to be real, so why try to live them?
4. Stay friends with all your exes.
I just put that in because you’ll do it anyway and I thought a reachable target was a good idea.
5. Come out.
Coming out isn’t a finite, linear thing. Think of an area where you’re not out and unless coming out would cause your death or torture, do it. Do it for those who truly cannot.
6. Be kind.
To everyone. No matter what.
7. Buy a new sex toy.
Try something you’ve never tried before.
8. Make friends with a straight person.
Because it’s not good to live purely in a ghetto.
9. Be nice to bisexual people.
They are not all sluts by definition. Lesbians can be sluts too. Also, as targets of homophobia, we shouldn’t be perpetrating biphobia.
10. Listen more than you talk.
Not only will you learn a lot, but people will like you more too.