I recently heard someone remarking that lesbians are less likely to have a long-term relationship than heterosexuals. It really surprised me that we are still viewed as promiscuous people who are practically allergic to commitment. With numbers of couples entering into Civil Partnerships in South Africa constantly rising as well as children becoming a more important part of our lives it’s an absurd assumption.
It is more difficult, as a queer person, to find your soul mate because many of us struggle to identify other potential gay matches around us. Then when you do find someone that you suspect may be queer, what do you do? It doesn’t seem appropriate to just say “Hi, how are you? By the way, are you a lesbian?”. But there’s also the meaningful looks exchanged, the possible mutual desire to shout “We’re the same!” and the curiosity that follows such an encounter. We’ve all been there, right?
When you do end up speaking to another lesbian there’s often the unfortunate connection you share because her ex is also your ex or worse still, she’s your ex’s ex. Complicated! The cliques, the drama and the shared history all add up to an interesting start to a relationship. The misfortune in this arises when interesting doesn’t always equal to smooth sailing. We share such small circles in our community that news of new courtship spreads quickly and is likely to spark jealousy in someone somewhere.
Before our Civil Partnership my wife was contacted by an ex of mine who felt the urge to instruct her to treat me well, which was ironic as that was something that the ex never mastered. Despite these complications many of us are in relationships that are lasting the test of time with ease.
Most of the older lesbians I know are in stable relationships and the younger ones are either madly in love or are figuring out what they want. We all need time to figure out what we want in life and that certainly includes our love life. It’s okay to not know what you want and we certainly don’t need to do anything to prove that lesbians can last in relationships as well as anyone else. We already spend so much time proving that we deserve equal rights in all aspects of life that the idea of having to now fight to prove that we can make a relationship and a marriage last is laughable.
We are humans who just happen to be programmed to love the same-sex but we are most definitely still capable of love.
Personally, I love being a lesbian that’s in love!