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Scaring Guys Away

By Alex James

Lets face it... If you think it, you ARE doing it. Without realising of course...

Have you ever wondered why you scare guys away after the fourth or fifth date? It seems like just when you begin to like him, he ends up leaving quicker than he came. Perhaps it’s time to rethink your strategy. According to Einstein’s definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a sure fire way of knowing your cuckoo. As someone in the dating scene, I can tell you firsthand that gay guys are more than guilty of this mistake.

When it comes to meeting men, we think we’re right and everyone’s always wrong. We think, “If a man can’t take all of me, then why bother.” We ask, “Shouldn’t a boyfriend supposed to accept everything I am?” We wonder “When am I ever going to find a guy who can handle me?” And above all, we say “Every guy I’ve met has been a waste of time.”

Each of these statements are adequate things to feel if you’re single, but if you’re not careful this habit of over-analyzing can make you a bit intense, especially during the whole meet and greet process. You don’t have to throw yourself at a man to get him to like you, nor should you expect him to do the same.

A good impression can get you a second, third, even fourth date. But what happens after? Most dating columns teach you how to make it past the beginning, but fail to explain how to keep the fire from burning out. Here are a few things that may be clogging up your potential:

Are You Trash Talking?

Depending on the guy, his tolerance for trash talk may vary. Try and think about that one party you went to where one of the attendees did nothing but talk smack on everything. The food was awful, the people were awful, the hosts were rude, the drinks were weak, blah blah blah. It gets exhausting doesn’t it?

When people get nervous or anxious, they have ticks. These ticks are in an effort to hide our nerves, and as gay guys, sadly these “ticks” tend to take the form of smack talk. Whether it’s about the latest fad, the restaurant you’re at, a story your friend told you, or anything else, stop the negativity right now! It’s exhausting so you might as well change its course towards a more positive route.

Start Saying Yes!

People who are never satisfied will never be satisfactory. Plain and simple. By always saying no, no, no, not only are you boring as hell, but you’re also cynical – and who wants to date that? Human beings are like sponges. We soak up what’s around us. If you’re consistently giving off no’s, be aware that this is exactly what he’s receiving.

Stop The “Rules”

You’re dating men, not puzzles. A lot of gay guys out there like to test their men at the beginning by asking them certain questions or putting themselves in particular circumstances and taking notes on their responses. They’ll set rules and unrealistic non-negotiables which are impossible to meet.

Throw the “must have” lists away. It’s only going to prevent you from seeing the good qualities in him. Not to mention, he will constantly feel like he’s being quizzed which will force him to walk on eggshells. Eventually he’ll get tired of it.

Are You Fishing For Compliments?

Guys don’t want to be a coat hanger. They want someone they can talk to, and have it be a two-way street. One-sided relationships never last, so break the habit before it becomes unbearable. When you fish for compliments, you’re training him how to communicate with you. Sooner or later his pride will begin to wane. Dating should be a privilege, not a job.

Are You Too Clingy?

Contrary to popular belief, being all over each other isn’t a sign of a happy relationship. When both parties are in love, these things happen naturally and aren’t forced. Sometimes we want so desperately for him to like us that we try to influence the situation by being the first to text, first to grope, first to kiss, first to grab the hand, etc. There’s nothing wrong with this at all, but be aware not to do it when it’s unwanted. Space is much more appreciated than you think.

Don’t Jump The Gun

It’s common to see gay guys jump the gun after the fourth date. Suddenly it’s as if you’ve traveled through time and are eight years ahead in the future. You’re planning your family, you’re introducing him to your family, friends, co-workers, you’re looking at apartments, and everything else that couples of 5 years do. Trust me on this. Stop focusing on the image of what a “couple” is, and start living the experience moment to moment. You’re never going to reach a long term relationship if you don’t appreciate the whole ride.


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