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Dealing With A Stalker

By Alex James

Lets face it, not every one night stand will become a relationship. Especially if its someone you met on Grindr or the like.

Though it might seem harmless at first and hell, one might even feel a bit flattered, more often than not, our unconscious association might get us into trouble.

He was supposed to be short-term, harmless, and an easy way to detox your ex from your life. But what happens when he starts to grow feelings – real, genuine feelings? It’s not everyday when a rebound turns into a stalker, but believe me when I say it happens all the time.

Experts say that gay men are the most likely victims man-on-man stalking. One study defined stalking as more than one occasion of close following, unwelcome conversation or verbal or written threats that would “cause a reasonable person fear.”

Man-on-man stalking is hardly ever publicized, in part, prosecutors say, because the facts often seem mundane. It’s the reason why gay men with stalkers are often left to fend for themselves, even when they try desperately to work with police officers to resolve it.

Violence is always going to be a possibility, but in this day and age stalking doesn’t need to be physical. We are living in a digital generation, one that makes everyone vulnerable to invisible stalkers.

A complete stranger can look through our Facebook or Instagram and truly know exactly who we are, where we’ve come from and what we’re doing with our lives. They might even be able to tell us what our favorite places are, foods are, color is, friends by name, etc. With convenience came an easy vessel for men we’ve wronged to wrong us right back.

The first thing you need to do is TELL SOMEONE. Whoever the stalker is should determine the initial steps to take with the issue. Be sure to keep all correspondence they’ve had with you – emails, texts, pictures, letters, phone records, phone messages, etc. Keep a log of what happens because it will be much easier to remember the details when they’re written down immediately. If they have physical things you can take down like a license plate or identifying marks, do it.

And remember the following tips:

  • If it’s someone you know very well, cut off all ties with him. Stop talking to them and stop responding to their messages – this will only fuel his need to continue the behavior. Not to mention, it will give police all the more reason to believe your claims should you start an investigation.
  • If you sort of know the stalker, but know someone who does, tell that mutual person about it and be sure you trust him or her. You need them to provide details to investigators so they can support your claims.
  • If you have no idea who the stalker is, then contact the police immediately.

It’s important never to feel insecure about phoning the cops either because you’re a gay male and you think they won’t take you seriously or you think the stalker will eventually run out of fuel. Trust me, there are some crazy people out there in the world who literally need a breaking point to stop themselves from going overboard.

Dealing with a stalker yourself is never easy, but if you feel the need to do it remember to be cautious and make sure someone knows what you’re doing so he or she will be around in case things go bad.

Be bold, firm, honest, gentle, and as non-threatening as possible. Give him an ultimatum and say that he can either choose to continually chase you, or he can go to jail. Whatever you do, be sure your safety comes first. Always.

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