4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Too Soon

Sex Too Soon?

Instant sex can spark a relationship. You meet and you know – you just know. Sex, that night, becomes an extension of the evening’s previous discoveries. There is a rightness about it… And the next day the feelings you hoped you’d have are all there. So, what’s the problem? Well, it can be that after the first few days the potential for love seems to have burnt itself out already. After the flurry, the regular pace of life reasserts itself. You haven’t had much of a chance to get to know him well, within the fabric of regular, normal life. It might be you start to think, you really don’t know him at all.

If you don’t think you'’ve yet had sufficient opportunity to flirt and to fall in love, to eye each other up from a certain distance, one possible solution is use what might seem artificial ways of behaving romantically.

Pretend that you haven’t had sex and that you’re still in the first flush of courtship. (Remember that word?) Buy unexpected presents. Remind yourself to use lots of hugging and kissing – without this going immediately further. Phone or text to say: ‘I love you’. Suggest romantic evenings together – a meal at a cosy little restaurant, followed by a walk through the night. Pretend you’re out on a first date together, taking extra care about you behave and look. Leave notes – ‘I love…’ – lying around where they’ll be easily found. This isn'’t going too far too quickly. It’s playing games with romance, which should be fun and can enhance your relationship.

On a more level-headed note, the most important thing to aim for is opportunities to talk. And what do you talk about? Yourselves, mostly. Share life stories. Look for the common ground. After all, the point is to get to know each other better and enhance the sense of mutual contact. It isn'’t cheesy or cliché to share gay experience. Indeed, that’s more or less guaranteed to include much similar experience. Beyond this, listen carefully to what he says about experiences which he feels have shaped his individual life, and ask questions to draw him out and help you learn more. Take all this at a leisurely pace – and create opportunities which will allow you to do so: an evening in or a morning in bed can be all that’s needed.

Touch as you talk, and drift in and out of sex-play when that feels right, but keep the words rolling. You might find the sense of mutual knowledge and understanding comes quicker than you’d thought.


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