4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Although we don't like labels we believe that every gay man should experience both

Being a Top-Bottom

By Alex James

Although we don't like the labels of 'top' and 'bottom' and we believe that every gay man should experience being both, all too often, bottoms just lie there and take it, but they don't really participate because they don't think that there is anything they can do, here follows a list of things to spruce up your experience.

1) GETTING HIS PENIS IN YOU - The first thing you need to know as a bottom, is that it does not have to hurt going in and your partner should not have to wince while trying to get it in. When you're both lubed up and ready to go, ask him to relax you. If you're not relaxed, it will be rough when he enters you. Take his hand or a couple of his fingers and gently lead them up and down your crack to your anus. Tops usually pick up on this and start by lubing up a couple of fingers and working your hole a little bit. This can be a big help, especially when you're with a big top. And when he goes to insert his member, push out slightly and then relax it as he enters you. Something so simple can make a very big difference and it's never a bad idea to slow it down by doing either of these two things. It gives you both more of a sensual experience.

2) WORK IT! - Even though it doesn't seem like you are in complete control, you are! It is you who decides when enough is enough and ultimately you who controls his pleasure. I have found that when you are in almost any position but especially when you are in the missionary position, all you need to do is use your own strength. Slowly push yourself toward him while he is inside you. This will let him know that you are enjoying it and want to participate more. This tends to be a shock to most tops, but none of them have complained so far!

3) TEASE HIM! - So many tops like to tease their partners, so why not return the exotic pleasure of a good tease? When you see or hear or feel that your partner is getting ready to shoot his wad, pull back or up depending on the position and force his member out of you. This is really only a good idea if you intimately know the person you're with and know his moans, groans and facial expressions. If you don't know what they are, then do not use this because then you might end up with him shooting and you still looking for the final blow yourself. So, use caution when proceeding with this suggestion. Learn your partner's ticks and see how you can work with them.

4) BE CREATIVE - Don't be afraid to suggest a different position or try something kinky. All too many bottoms feel that it's not their place to make sexual suggestions. Don't be a push-over, let your partner know that you want to try something new or put a spin on something old. You need to make sure that you are both satisfied and if things get boring in the bedroom, that is when tensions run high. So, be creative, try new things and discover things that you never thought you (as a bottom) were capable of.

Remember that you are in control! Make his experience great and let him know that he's not the only one expelling energy in the bedroom.

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