4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

The Booty Call CAN be hazardous for a gay relationship

The Booty Call Trap

By Alex James

How many of us gay men are failing in our dating relationships because we’re doing it backwards! When I was bouncing from one guy to the next, I would have told you to go pound sand if you told me I was dating in reverse!

Stop scratching your head, or your crotch for that matter. I’m about to tell you what dating backwards means.

It’s all about doing the booty call before you do the duty call! Yep! You’re giving up the booty before you done the just duty, to ensure the booty should be had!

Before you start lobbing words against my argument consider this one thought.

A booty call is a booty call. A connection is the bomb!

I know, I know. Most of you guys say this and get it, but do you practice it? While males are stereotyped as the sexual beings of the human race, too often we take that bad rap to heart and then before we know it, it rules our existence, 24/7. There’s nothing wrong with a good booty call and mind-blowing sex; I’m right there with you! But what happens when that becomes the basis of all your dating disasters? Think about it!

You’re perusing the online dating sites, checking out guys at the bar, breaking your thumbs on Grindr etc, and as much as you just want someone in your life, you get someone in bed for an hour if you’re lucky.

Without being a prude, what would happen if you started to work for sex, and I don’t mean being a rentboy!
Instead, imagine having a clear-cut no booty with doing the duty dating protocol.
Here’s how it works!

  • Get clear with yourself what it is you desire right now in your life – booty, dating, or mating! All three can play nicely in the sandbox of your life; you just have to be clear how you’re going to get there and when.
  • Do you have a 2, 3, 10 date rule? While nothing has to be cast in stone, knowing when, and why you’d drop your drawers isn’t a bad idea – whether your 20 or 70 years old. Show yourself a little respect and you’ll get it back in return.
  • Eat it and be it. In other words, eat your own dog food and be your own dog. Don’t say one thing and then be another. Either you want to be in a dating relationship or you want to be hooking up. Either works as long as you’re clear (refer to #1).
  • Give yourself a break. We love to beat ourselves up. Don’t say you don’t. We do and we have an extremely hard time giving ourselves room to screw up. Get out there, screw up, go off course every once in awhile, then get back on that pony and ride.
  • Break the cycle…not the bike! We all have ways of getting from Point A to Point B. In order to do this, we need some mode of transportation. In the gay dating world that usually means, going to the bars, gym, online dating, church, being introduced through friends, and a myriad of other ways to meet Mr. Man! All are perfectly acceptable modes of dating transportation. What needs to be broken and redesigned is the energy powering those dating vehicles. As the saying goes, “Doing the same thing expecting different results means you’re screwed!” Get off the hamster wheel, change your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviours and bask in the joy of dating in forward momentum.

Each of us has our own destiny. Gay dating and mating is no different. Just like learning to drive a stick shift (not stiff dick) you move from first, second, and then to third. Done any other way, you bottom out! Not bad places to end up if you’re a top just looking for a bottom!

On the highway of love we call gay dating or chasing the illusive man, there are results to be taken when you date in forward momentum with booty call being at least 2nd or 3rd gear.

Make the shift and see where the road takes you!

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