4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Gay Power Toys

By Alex James

There may be times when you're feeling the need for a sex toy inside and, looking in your box, go straight for the huge dildo, lube it up and it slips in straight away, just what your body and mind required. Then there are the other times, when the pleasure you know you can have, needs building up a bit.

Relaxation is key. What this absolutely doesn't mean is using products such as anaesthetic creams which numb the anus. You need to be able to feel when there's pleasurable sensation and if, on the other hand, you're causing damage. You might like to douche, using plain, luke warm water, both to help you relax and also so you'll know you're clean inside, which can be more of an issue with deep penetration. Once you've expelled the last of the water, it's great to slip a lubed finger or two inside yourself, registering how your inner sphincter particularly can contract and relax as you probe with your fingers.

Choose a comfortable space to play in. Put on some music to create the desired mood, whether raunchy, or light, brisk and cheerful, or choose an elevated classical piece. Perhaps there's a song that's associated with special memories you'd like to revive. Use a smaller sex toy first, such as a vibrating butt plug, and masturbate gently to build and maintain arousal. Clench and unclench your anus around the toy as you masturbate, using your sphincter muscles and pelvic floor to move the toy inside; notice the shifts between prostate and anal sensations. The positions you choose might be squatting, or resting your torso on a sofa or bed, or lying on one side. Move between positions as the mood takes you.

If you're using a small to medium-sized dildo, the sensations will obviously be limited but can be nice for the first minutes as you move the toy in and out - and the feeling will depend largely on how much lube you use and so how much friction there is. With this sized toy, you might like there to be quite a lot of friction, though if so move the toy carefully.

With big, girthy sex toys use a lot of lube and even now don't ever force the toy into you - there are limits for each of us, beyond which toys may be considered as having only novelty value. You'll find your pelvis constitutes the outermost limit, but it's your sphincters you'll be stretching first. Rather than push against the toy with your anus to open yourself up, which is a neat trick with more modestly sized sex toys, here you need simply to relax, especially just at that point where you feel a slight pinch as the toy slips in. In terms of positions, keeping your thighs close together can help you open most easily, while resting your torso on a sofa or bed can help take the weight off your pelvic area and so avoid any tension that might cause.

If you've chosen a dildo with a suction cap at the base it's easy to attach it to the floor or a vertical surface and bounce or rock against it. While riding a big cock can be awkward on top, because of the reduced mobility and your concern to stimulate your partner sufficiently, the dildo is there just for you and you've no-one else's pleasure to worry about. Go at whatever pace feels right and let the prostate sensation build to anal orgasm, relishing the feeling of fullness.

When you're using a big dildo on your partner, use your fingers inside him to check how relaxed he is. You'll feel if his inner sphincter muscles are tight or if he's loosened up. Use gentle pressure - don't force the toy in. Rather than rely on the way he's moaning or sighing to let you know if what you're doing is okay, because it's hard to distinguish pleasure from pain by the way he sounds, get him to tell you, "yes" or "stop", or use other safe words if yes and stop might be part of a punishment fantasy you're playing. It can be great to have a partner use a toy on you, so you can be fully passive and just give yourself up to it.

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