4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Its All About The Mouth

By Alex James

The prime directive when performing oral sex is absolutely to want it and that's for as long as it takes. It isn't a chore or a favour. It isn't just something you give him. You're pleasuring yourself as well. You're giving your mouth a treat. And if that's the way you set about it, all else follows.

Make it clear that you want him this way and make sure he wants it too: for all that 'they say' this is a lot of men's favourite form of sex, there can be issues of control, or of the feeling of loss of control, with which the man on the receiving end needs to be comfortable. As ever, dialogue is needed, care and reassurance on both sides. It isn't about one partner submitting to the other. It's about mutual pleasure.

Try kissing and licking the head and shaft of his penis to awaken his desire to be sucked and to relax him and make him comfortable. Stroke him using your hands and encourage him to stroke you. (If you're receiving the blow-job, don't force the giver to take more of you in his mouth than he wants unless this is consensual and he has asked you to dominate him this way. Allow yourself to receive.)

Use your tongue to explore and enjoy both the taste and the shape of his penis. The tongue is incredibly sensitive, in terms of shape and texture, far more so than the fingers. There can be an amazing sense of contact and intimacy holding his penis in your mouth. If you find the taste troubling, give yourself time to adjust and to relax yourself before establishing a deeper hold and a faster rhythm.

You don't have to take it in all the way. If you do it will feel good to him, but it does take practice to avoid the gag-reflex: tilting your head slightly back will help your throat to relax should you want to try it. Use your hands to hold and stroke the area of his penis your mouth can't reach to. Keep them wet and slippery with saliva and the sensation he experiences will be good.

As you move your mouth up and down, rotate your tongue and vary the speed you're moving. For both your sakes, you don't want it to start feeling monotonous. If your mouth becomes tired, slow down, use your hands more, and give it a rest, then resume when you're feeling recharged. All the while, listen to the signals he's giving you. Follow the clues. If he's telling you that something you're doing feels good, do it more. If you're not sure if he's communicating pleasure or pain, the best thing to do is to ask: 'Is that good or do you need something different?' Do repeat on him the best techniques you've experienced others give you, but be aware his tastes may be different: stay flexible and aware.

When he's about to come, stop for a few seconds. Keep your hand on his penis. Look up at him. Show him you're enjoying this and are anticipating the moment of climax. Let him relax and then go down again and bring him to orgasm. Then stay down a while. Hold him in your mouth and let him breathe. This is a further piece of reassurance you offer that it wasn't a chore.

Bear in mind at the end that if you want to reach orgasm next he might not be immediately ready for more sex. Lie by his side a while and let him enjoy the after-glow. Wait until he's ready before you move on and try something else. You don't want him to feel he's obliged now to 'return the favour'. Give him time until he wants you to experience a climax of your own.


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