4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Vanilla Domination Games

By Alex James

If you like sex in which domination games play a big role, but aren't inclined to elaborate this into leather, masks, cuffs, candles, wracks, or, for the truly perverse, the feather duster, try positions in which the top forcibly holds the bottom's face and torso down against a table.

For the bottom, it can be great, for both physical and psychological reasons, and often on the spur of the moment, to have your pants lowered, your top hitched over your head, and be pushed against a surface which is cooler than your skin and hard, prior to enjoying a no-nonsense pounding. There's little room for play or reciprocity. It's very much a case of one gives and the other receives. You surrender all control with regards to how fast or hard it will be - and if you ever find the phrase 'making love' gets you down, the only word for this is 'f u c k i n g'.

For the top, we're touching on pre-AIDS erotica here. That's to say: very butch, very macho. Sure, you're free to stroke and massage your partner's back, but this is in a way which implies control. It can be as if you are very much taking pleasure from the feel of his skin and muscle, as from the ways you register how you are giving him pleasure, indeed, forcing pleasure upon him.

Stroke in a way that feels powerful. Beyond that, such technique as there is can be pretty straight-forward. Position, aim, fire. You might like to think of, or even recite, a few of the clichés which populate adult, erm, literature and which generally entail a fat, hard ten-inch (huh?) erection breaking and entering a tight, moist (double huh?) virgin hole. (Your decision here will determine whether this is to be a hard fuck or an ironic yet hard fuck.)

Such activity must, of course, be consensual. Yes, it is about domination and submission, and it is also a game, which is to say: the power play happens within bounds.

Paradoxically, allowing yourselves to go completely with top-bottom roles - which are very much power-positions - can lead to a greater feeling of content and equality in the rest of the relationship.

Join us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Keep up with us on Pinterest Join our Google Plus circle Join us on Tumblr