4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Breaking Up Is Tough

By Alex James

It’s hard to understand life's lessons when you’re in the middle of a breakup and major heartache. A break up can be one of the most difficult things we go through, especially if you’ve been together for a long time and may have kids (four legged or two legged) to deal with. But what you need to understand is: Life Goes On. There IS happiness and fulfillment on the other side. If you really want it that is.

It’s easy to get invested in our relationships, so much so, that they become a part of us. Separating would be like cutting off a limb. You’ve grown together. His presence has become a habit. To begin again would feel like your pretending. How can life go on without him? Don’t worry beautiful… it does.

Look in the mirror. See that man? He’s the one that matters the most. People are put in our lives for a reason, so instead of curling in a ball underneath your bed sheets, find yourself again. Unleash the fire you know has always been inside.

1) It’s Okay To Cry – Let it out. Feeling pain is all a part of being human. If you let your sorrow build, it’s only going to turn into anger, frustration, and self-pity – which can become a habit itself. Never feel sorry for yourself.

2) Forgive – Grudges are the worst thing in the world. The only person it’s effecting is you, and though it can feed your ego and pride at times, what it’s really doing, is pulling you down. It takes a big person to forgive an ex-lover’s mistakes or lack of involvement.

3) Get Rid Of His Stuff – Memories are powerful things. A simple hair comb can bring back a plethora full of them. A memory can make you feel sad, then resentful, then angry, and before you know it, your entire day is ruined. Not saying you should forget him. But let the memories arise on your own terms.

4) Build New Habits – Your boyfriend, for a time, was your main habit, change it. The SMSs, the phone conversations, the sex, the trips, the dinners, etc. The sooner you build a new habit, the sooner you can peel away the old ones. Researchers says it takes 28 days to build a habit.

5) Find The Joy/Comedy In The Situation – Laughter can be the greatest medicine. Though it may be tough at the beginning, finding some sense of humor in your situation might be the very antidote you need to heal.

6) Be With Friends – Supportive friends will always make you feel better. Not only do they remind you you’re not alone, they also remind you how much potential there is out there in the world and that love comes in all places – not just from your ex.

7) Re-introduce Yourself To The World – Good can come out of any bad situation. Sometimes it just takes time to find it. Never undermine your potential in this world. By keeping yourself imprisoned in sadness, you’re depriving yourself from moving on. Go do something you’ve always wanted to do. Take a vacation or go out on the town. Get your head in the right place.

8) There Are More Out There – Go hunting. Just because you and your ex may have had something unique, doesn’t mean that there aren’t just as equally interesting guys out there. One thing you can never do is compare and contrast. Your ex is your ex, and any future men you meet have their own story. Don’t put them on a pedestal.

9) Learn, Then Apply It To Future Relationships - If we don’t learn from our past relationships, we’re destined to repeat the same pattern. Even if it ended on a good note, we still must find the lesson. That’s what the whole point of dating is! To filter out that qualities about yourself (and him) that you like and don’t like, then, apply it to future relationships. This is how we grow.

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