4Men - Gay Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the gay relationship and bedroom scene

Bi-Curious Experimentation

By Alex James

The thing of it is, and for most of us its very true, that if you ask any gay guy on the planet, they’ll admit to being a test subject for a bi-curious individual at sone point in their lives. At varsity, guys experiment like mad, but what happens after the fact? The straight man leaves having made some kind of verdict about his homosexuality while the gay guy gets off his knees, wipes his chin, and says thank you. Observing it from the outside-in, it might look like we both win, but do we really?

It doesn’t take a scientist to know that men are extremely different from women. Our prowl and need for sex cannot compare with each other. We’re visual creatures who depend a lot on our physical attraction to the world. We gain our self-esteem by how we sexually attract others to us – it’s imperfect, but it’s a basic human instinct. When it comes to orientation, the rules are quite different.

Gay guys usually have sex with women in their early years because they’re trying to please society. We feel pressure from the overwhelming majority of heterosexuals to have a family, i.e. wife, kids, cocker spaniel. It was hard for me to let go of that dream, as I’m sure it was for all of us. But despite the fact that it felt unnatural, we still “experimented” with it for the sake of trying. Straight guys who experiment with gay man don’t have this problem. They don’t need to travel to the gay side of the pool unless they want to. There has to be an enormous amount of curiosity tied in, which is usually a testament of the truth.

I don’t know a single gay guy who isn’t turned on by curious straight dudes looking for a thrill. Some have made opportunities from it by writing on their Grindr profiles “straight and curious” despite the fact that they’re raging homosexuals. The gay porn industry has made billions off our fantasies with sites geared towards gay for pay porn stars. But the reality is it’s nothing how we think it would be.

All the straight dudes I’ve “helped” in my life were frigid, scared, timid, and somewhat grossed out by themselves. I remember hooking up with a guy who lived in my college dorm way back when. I remember his face as I started to go down on him. It had nothing to do with me, but rather the slow realization that he didn’t feel what he expected to feel. It was very obvious he was doing it for the thrill, which was clearly there, but the nerves were so vast he wouldn’t allow himself to enjoy it. While it may have been a turn on for me, I couldn’t help but feel like an unpaid prostitute in the meantime.

Here’s my advice. Before you become someone’s first gay experience, you need to take care of yourself first. If you’re likely to become attached, it’s not a good idea to be the guinea pig. If it’s a man you know and have had feelings for before, it’s definitely not a good idea. Before any clothes come off, you need to take a look in the mirror and ask how you’ll feel about yourself when everything is set and finished. The last thing you want is to feel like a personalized blowup doll. Your dignity is the most important thing, so try and keep it intact as much as possible.

A main reason why gay guys will fantasize about straight men is the basic rule of wanting what you can’t have. Let’s put it into context. Which one of these scenarios do you think is more alluring: A straight guy who you have to put in a little effort to have sex with, or, a straight guy on the “DL” who starts chasing and texting you every day until he gets what he wants? My guess is that most of you would say the first example is more attractive because it’s you making the effort, which creates a psychological upgrade. We want things that seem to have value. Someone who requires a bit of work is unconsciously placed on a higher stack. Human beings were hunters once upon a time. It’s in our blood, but in the case of a straight man’s first gay experience, who’s really doing the hunting?

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