4Women - Women's Health

Women's health, mind and body topics with the focus on lesbian issues

We look at popular myths regarding the Lesbian bedroom scene

De-constructing Lesbian Sex Myths

By Lou Lou

The most common question regarding lesbian bedroom action that I’ve heard over the years has to be ‘but what exactly do they do?’.

If you’re lucky like some of my friends – far too much! It’s been a common question, laced with many misconceptions and myths throughout the years. Some straight people actually think that lesbians don’t have ’proper’ sex and I have even heard one of my male gay friends throw around the Afrikaans term... "Koekie stamp".

It may be daunting at first, but it needn’t be. If you’re new to this same-sex business and you’ve found someone special to have some fun with, what next? The most important thing to remember is that at the end of the day, you are supposed to be enjoying yourself – so try not to get to your knickers in a twist when it comes to getting it on with your chosen playmate.

Imagination is key – just because there aren’t that many books about it, it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Try to get out of the straight mindset of what sex should be and the sky’s the limit…it’s easy to think you might not be ‘getting it right’, but what, afterall, is getting it right? As far as a lot of people are concerned there are no rights or wrongs when it comes to sex – as long as it doesn’t involve anything illegal!

Girls are capable of great penetration – fingers are fantastic for finding that hard-to-find g-spot, as are tongues – not to mention the large selection of toys that are available. Not all girls use strap-ons and vibrators because not all girls like penetration – but if you do, there’s more than enough to choose from. The list of positions is pretty endless when it comes to what the girls can get up to.

Keep in mind though, that although some reports suggest that lesbian sex is low-risk when it comes to STIs and HIV – it’s not necessarily the case. Women who are exclusively lesbian are at low risk of sexually transmitted infections, but sex with men puts her at the same risk as all other women. It’s safe to assume that a large proportion of sexually active women have in fact had some form of sexual contact with men.

Sharing toys is great fun, but be sure to use a condom to reduce risk of infection, and when it comes to oral sex use a dental dam or a condom ut in half – particularly if you have a cut lip. If you have a cold sore – or they do – then don’t have oral sex. Same goes for when French kissing – try to keep risk to a minimum. After all, herpes is for life.

If either of you is on your period, there is a higher risk and it’s not just HIV that can be transmitted – there’s also a chance of transmitting gonorrhoea, hepatitis C and chlamydia.

Role-play games can add a little extra. However, be sure to keep in mind your limits – if this is something you have not done before, take it at your own pace and you’ll find what works best for you. Confidence will come with experience, and what better way to gain confidence than by having more and more experiences!

There’s certainly a lot more on offer in terms of fulfilling any secret fantasy you might have – there are different clubs galore that are sure to spark your imagination in some way. Although it may seem daunting at first, most clubs are actually friendlier than they look! And although it may look like a free-for-all, the common myth about promiscuity couldn’t be further from the truth – in fact it really is no more or less a promiscuous sexuality than being straight. So don’t think that by admitting you like same-sex shags it means you’re an easy lay!

Hooking up with someone more experienced could well teach you something new, but you’ll be surprised at what you can teach her. Just think about how long you’ve been imagining what you wanted to do with someone once you got your hands on them – well now the moment of truth has arrived and it looks like it’s going to be a great experience.

The most important thing to remember is – stay safe. It’s easy for queer women to be complacent but there are risks and using your head can save you a lot of unwanted trips to the doctors – if you use toys make sure you keep them clean if you are sharing them. Your best friend is your common sense – use it!

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