4Women - Lifestyle

From toys to furniture, sneakers to hairdo's. Everything that makes a South African lesbian's life interesting

Butch Girl In Love With Butch Girl

By Lesley Frank

From what I’ve observed throughout the years I have realised that the most common lesbian relationships are the ones that involve a femme dating a butch. It’s not a bad combination, of course, but it’s also not the only one.

I’m a butch lesbian in a civil partnership with another butch, and guess what? It feels like a perfect partnership. We both just work so well together and I really think it helps that we can totally understand each other and our butchness!

In the past I’ve dated femmes, and some of them thought that I was simply disguising my laziness with my lack of interest in beauty products. They looked down upon some of my clothes and hated my love for short hair. That was okay, though, because I couldn’t get my head around the fact that it took them an hour to do their hair before a lazy day strolling around a city or going out for a meal.

Butch, please!
I love femmes as much as I love my butch pals but when it comes to dating, for me, butch is best.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with being feminine or whatever makes you happy obviously; I just want to give you all a little insight into my butch life with my butch wife so here’s what I’ve learned from being a butch woman married to a butch woman…

We are always seen as a same-sex couple but sometimes face the assumption that we are actually gay men instead of lesbian ladies! That’s not a major issue until you face going into a public toilet together. Suddenly we’re treated as trespassers who have no right to step over the threshold to the land of female privacy. Even using changing rooms isn’t a simple task.

I like being such a visible part of the LGBTQ community and, yes, it’s our choice to be butch; so I guess accepting these things is part of the unwritten butch contract, right? Our unwritten contract also includes being considered as cute looking boys by heterosexual women who have had one too many drinks. When I had a mohawk I got more attention from strange women than I have ever had before!

The upsides to the butch side
Dealing with last minute plans? They’re no problem for us because getting ready to leave never takes us long. In fact, the longest part of our routine is actually choosing the right shirt because there’s just too many nice ones to choose from in our wardrobes. I honestly can’t imagine having to endure a gruelling process which results in more time spent getting ready than actually being on our night out! That’s just not for me.

And I can’t find a single little part of me that is willing to even consider wearing fake tan. No, thank you! My wife even views applying mascara as an impossibly difficult task that she would never willingly choose to do so at least we both save time by not indulging in such tasks.

Whenever my wife gets a new shirt or jumper that I like I cannot resist borrowing it. She’s got great taste and we’re lucky enough to be similar sizes so that means double the options and all of the fun shopping. Win-win!

Girly pampering time involves tubs of hair gel, with no make-up or nail polish required. We both enjoy trying out new hairstyles but the best thing is that we both totally understand how to style the short hair we prefer to have. Ask us to style long hair and we’re totally out of our depth – but mohawks, spikes and choppy fringes are our best friends.

Around the house there is never any issues over who does what jobs. We don’t assign jobs according to which one of us is more “manly”. We both just roll up our sleeves and do it. (However, she gets rid of the spiders in our house. There’s no arguing over that!)

Butch + butch = <3
It’s amazing to be in a relationship with someone who just gets me.

If I’m mistakenly presumed to be a guy then she probably is too. If we go on a night out then we both genuinely love getting dressed up together. There’s no thoughts of “I wish you’d dress more feminine” that were ever present in my past relationships. It always feels like we are in sync with each other despite our many differences.

This butch loves loving a butch!


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