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Lesbian Bed Death Advice

By Dominique Matrix

I don’t care what anyone says, having sex in a lesbian relationship is a must for a healthy and wholesome long-term union. I’ve come across couples who say that they are perfectly happy just kissing and cuddling one another. I’ve also come across couples who say that they express their love for each other in other ways and they don’t have to have sex to feel loved. Excuses! Who couldn’t use a good, orgasmic, mind-blowing sexual connection with the person they love?

Pepper Schwartz, the sociologist who coined the term “Lesbian Bed Death”, said that lesbian couples have less sex compared to heterosexual or homosexual male couples, especially if they are in a committed relationship. Personally, I don’t believe this is true for lesbians in a relationship but for women in general, as women only have 10% testosterone, the hormone responsible for sexual desires, than men have. Because of this, we think of sex much less than men do. This means, as women, especially lesbians in a committed relationship, according to Schwartz, we have to work harder to get in the mood.

But this shouldn’t be an excuse for you and your partner to skip out on another evening of sharing a sexual moment together.

The following tips are things you can both do to make sure you feed the sexual side of your hot relationship:

Don’t be lazy
It’s so easy to say, “Meh, we do it or we don’t, it’s not a big deal to me.” Keep in mind that you are missing out on an opportunity to not just experience something amazing, but also to provide your wife or girlfriend a moment of ecstasy. Most importantly, you are missing out on an opportunity to be deemed her conqueror, the one and only, who rocks her world. Leaving her satisfied will leave an imprint in her mind that you are the greatest because you can make her feel so good and loved.

Don’t think about it
When we were in the “in-love” stage of our relationship we didn’t think about it, which is also the reason why we were non-stop, like wild rabbits. Don’t think about whether it’s the right time or not, or whether she’ll be in the mood or not. If you think about it too much, your laziness will set in and give you all sorts of excuses why you should hold off. If either one of you feels the need to release some energy, stress, emotions, whatever it may be, flirt with her, kiss her more passionately than usual, take advantage of the moment and just make a move.

Make yourself available
Whatever you have to do, whether they are errands or work, complete them before you arrive at home. When you’re busy at home doing other things instead of focusing on your relationship, it doesn’t present an open door for the possibility of getting it on. So leave your work outside the door and open yourself to whatever the night may bring for you both.

Do something out of the ordinary for her
She will be more suggestible and willing to reciprocate if she feels loved and appreciated by you. So if your lady is the type that likes compliments, start working on sincerely complimenting her on what she does well or how she looks. If she continually mentions that she needs help with the household chores, start helping her by doing the dishes, taking out the trash, vacuuming, etc. If she likes being held, catch her off guard by hugging her from behind or giving her a massage. Focusing on what she wants and making her feel good not only makes you feel good, but brings you closer and more connected, which could lead you both to the sack.

Work on your sex issues
Maybe you feel that you’re just not as good in bed as she is and you’re intimidated or feel bad that you can’t get her off. Maybe you just don’t feel that the sex is good at all. Or maybe you’re not comfortable about the type of sex acts she performs. It is very important that these issues are communicated between the both of you. Let her know of any insecurities you may have, or any dislikes and discomforts you have during sex. Let her know what doesn’t do it for you and what really gets you excited. If she cares she’ll be receptive and open to try what you’d like done and help you hit your climax and make sex an enjoyable event for the both of you.

Discover new things together
If your sexual encounters are not as hot and passionate as they used to be, maybe it’s time for a different dish on the menu. No, I’m not talking about bringing in a third party. Instead, how about taking a trip to your favorite sex shop for a new toy? Go together so you can both have input on one or several toys that will surely turn the both of you on. If going to the shop embarrasses you, you can always order toys online. You’ll want to satisfy the curiosity you have regarding your new toy and you’ll have to figure it out together.

It is understandable that schedules get tied up and we busy ourselves with our daily responsibilities outside of our home, so much so that we bring our work home, leaving us tired and unwilling to do anything but rest. But there is a time for work and there is a time to play. And for some of us, we lack the balance between the two, breathing life to the myth of the “Lesbian Bed Death” phenomena.

In our busy lives, when how we feel for our partner is difficult to express in words, sex may be the antidote to bring us closer and more connected. Talking, cuddling or laughing are great ways to express love between lesbian couples, but they could never replace the deep, intimate connection that two people have when making love.

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