4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

Getting Love Into Shape

By Lou Lou

Are you feeling that your sex life is getting you down? Is it all a little too dreary and needs a good kick up the proverbial? Here's a few tips for getting things back into shape.

Take a look at what you want from the relationship. If you're happy and it's just that you got stuck in a bit of a rut, then you don't need to worry too much. A little effort to refresh your love life, and your relationship as a whole, and you'll probably get there.

Time is of the essence - not because it's running out but because the key to anything working is spending time working at it! Set aside a whole day for the two of you and make sure you concentrate on each other's bodies, minds and hearts. You'll be surprised about what you discover about each other if you take the time to explore.

Romance should never die. Be sure to keep it alive and a satisfying sex life will follow. Remember not to take her for granted and also keep in mind that it's often the little things that count - unexpected small gestures mean a lot more than grandiose and poorly thought through gestures.

Kissing with confidence makes a huge difference. If you feel that you've fallen into a rut in the kissing stakes, both of you try to spend time just kissing and nothing else. All too easily, couples focus on the final outcome and so therefore sex and an orgasm is the aim. Take your time kissing and you'll find you get much more intimate, and then it should ultimately make things more exciting when it does come to sex.

Lesbians are probably the worst at getting too comfortable! Falling into the same old routine of cuddles on the sofa instead of getting out there can spell lesbian bed death all too quickly. Ensure you both lead your own lives, have your own friends and get out there and socialise! There's nothing better than spending time with other people to make you want to spend more of a passionate time with the girl you love. Failing that, why don't you both go out together? Keep the dates and fun going, and you'll have more fun in the bedroom.

Investing in a good toy will do wonders. It's a great process to go through and starts the minute you decide to get one. Going shopping for one is where the fun begins! If neither of you have used a toy before, have a think about what you want to get from it and then take a look in our shop. If you want to use it as a real part of sex, then you'll be looking at getting a strap on. If you want to use it as foreplay, then you might want to consider getting a small dildo without the harness, or a vibrator. Dildos tend to be more versatile, so start with something manageable and see how you get on with it!

Talking of toys, you'll need to invest in a good lube. But lube doesn't need to be used just for sex toys. It's great for rubbing on the clit and nipples, particularly if you get a type that has stimulant properties. Who knows where it will lead, and where you'll put it?

You can't go wrong with a sensual massage. Take time with each other to explore each others bodies. Use oils and lotions, and see where it takes you - you'll probably be surprised at what you discover about what turns each other on.

Sexual power games are a fantastic way of injecting some passion into your sex life. If you've got a good grounding of respect for each other, then this will only help strengthen the trust you have with each other. Dominating or being dominated is great for releasing tension, playing a role and gaining trust with each other.

If you ever fancied dressing up and trying some role play, it's a good light hearted way to approach sex - if you both have a sense of humour. Uniforms are always a good place to start, and you'll never know what it will bring out in you both! If you're not up to full dressing up, perhaps small things like a shirt and tie will be a good kick start.

Oral sex is fantastic, but can also be nerve-wracking. If you're not sure about the first time, incorporate a blindfold for one of you to wear, so you don't feel so self conscious. Take it slowly and let the one wearing it guide the other by giving gentle instruction. You'll soon get the hang of it!

Sucking of toes and fingers is incredibly sensual. Take it slowly and maintain eye contact where you can and it will get her going in no time at all. In fact, simply playing with hands can be very sensuous - gently stroke and play with her fingers and the palms of her hands.

You can find g-spots in the most unexpected of places, so why not play games with maps. Draw a map of your body and encourage her to follow it, whilst giving instructions on the best places to visit. You can play with fingers, tongue, lips or breasts. The journey is half the fun!

Breast play is not just about grabbing a hold! Try to use lips and tongue to explore the whole breast and not just the nipple. Take your time and enjoy the experience. Some women are more sensitive than others, so take it slow and see where it goes.


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