4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

Thoughts On Lesbian Intimacy

By Lou Lou

Being intimate with another person is a pleasure that goes far beyond that of a purely sexual relationship. Sharing yourself with someone can lead to a deep and fulfilling relationship, and this is no different for two women.

One definition of being intimate is that it is ‘a feeling of being intimate and belonging together’, which may sound pretty straightforward, but how easy is it to achieve? Thankfully, by the very nature of women, intimacy can sometimes be an easier state to come by in a relationship – although it can be confused with passion and infatuation. Intimacy is what occurs over time with trust and a deeper understanding of each other’s thoughts and desires – and is well worth working towards!

Getting close to a partner can be difficult, even though you feel you have a connection – you may feel you know each other, but in essence, if you have just met, this is impossible. However, the seed of intimacy can be sown when feelings furrow deeper than those arising from just a string of sexual and casual liaisons with each other – in essence, intimacy is what happens in addition to sex.

Trust is an intrinsic element of intimacy and without it, intimacy would be hard to achieve. Therefore you need to work together as a partnership, learning to trust each other. If you are looking to develop your physical relationship, a great way of doing this would be to discuss fantasies. For some, this is easier than others and one of you may need to coax the other. Some women can find it harder to open up about feelings, particularly if this is combined with the none too easy task of coming out. However, with time and patience, you can encourage her to discuss her innermost desires – and you must respect those, even if they are different to yours (which they are likely to be!).

There are likely to be obstacles, and a relationship without them is a relationship not worth having – those couples who have solved their problems together, tend to go on to be stronger together. Many people come with baggage – it’s part and parcel of modern day relationships, and it goes without saying that this baggage will impact upon your relationship. But it is not the baggage that is the problem, but they way you deal with it.

If you are having problems with intimacy, it goes go back to trust and there may have been trust issues in the past which will rear their ugly head and cause ructions if left to settle into the relationship. You need to be patient with each other and learn to communicate. If she is or you are unsure about being touched in certain places, taking part in certain scenarios or trying a certain position, then it is best to leave it and take it slow. Go with what you both enjoy and take it one step at a time – after all, if you are happy together, then there is no rush as you have all the time in the world.

With all this trust, sharing and opening up, it would be easy to feel overwhelmed and begin to feel claustrophobic in your relationship – after all, there is such thing as opening yourself up too much, and this can leave people feeling vulnerable and crowded. Respect plays a big part here (and at any point in a relationship). Being in a relationship does not mean that you are someone’s ‘other half’, nor does it mean that you are two parts of one person – it’s vital to keep in mind that both of you are individuals and that it is this very fact that keeps the relationship alive.

The individuality you both bring to the relationship will help it to survive against all odds, and this is something that should be cherished and kept in mind at all times. It is both of your experiences sexually and emotionally that will lead to a more fulfilling and intimate love life. Ensure that you give each other space and time to be not just alone, but yourselves. Wanting to change a partner because they do not fit your idea of the perfect girlfriend will end in disaster.

Independence means confidence in a relationship: confidence to make decisions and feel happy communicating them; the confidence to say no to any physical ideas that you may not feel comfortable with – and the confidence to enjoy life without fear of causing hurt or upset. It is this very confidence that will in turn help you to grow as a couple and encourage that ever-elusive intimacy that so many couples strive for.

It is often a symptom of lesbian relationships that they ‘burn out’ after a while simply due to the couple spending each and every minute together, quite often alone. This is unhealthy and can cause a bigger fall out once things go wrong. You’re losing touch with your support network and become more reliant on one person. An important lesson is to ensure that you take it slow, spend less time together and keep your life how you would like it to be. It goes without saying that if you are happy in life, you are happy in your relationship – and vice versa.

By combining the physical with the emotional and intellectual, you can be sure that what you have will be well worth holding on to.

There is no magic formula to having intimacy with a partner, but there are a few basic ingredients that will work, however you mix them – respect, honesty, trust and confidence. Starting off on the right foot will lead to something wonderful, and once you achieve that you have achieved one of the most special states in a relationship possible.

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