4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

We take a look at alternatives to sex for lesbians

Intimate Alternatives

By Lou Lou

Women tend to be more tactile than men. Okay, so it's a generalisation and there are exceptions, but women are often seen as being more nurturing beings. So what do you get when you have two women together? Usually lots of nesting and definitely lots and lots of cuddles.

In this day and age, we are often thought of as failures in our relationship if we aren't at it all the time. In actual fact, it is the art of kissing, caressing and cuddling that is sadly lacking in many a relationship.

Instead, it is thought that the key to a good modern sex life is doing anything and everything with anyone and everyone.

Not so. It is a basic human need to touch and be touched. It is only when we are alone that we realise how much we take it for granted. Many women define the way they know they are gay by feeling nothing when having full sex with a man, yet feels an amazing passionate feeling with a simple brush of the hand from a woman.

It's important to sit back and think about how many hugs you give and receive and how much time you and your girlfriend spend simply holding and caressing each other. Try experimenting with having a no sex night. And by this we don't mean sit in front of the tv with a take away. I mean setting some time aside to touch in every way BUT sexually.

Getting to know each others body without any pressure to have sex is the perfect way to build up trust and compassion in your relationship. By all means, discuss what turns you on, what you enjoy and what you like to do to each other but really try to keep the focus on anything but sex.

Not only will you build that trust, but you will learn to appreciate each others bodies and learn about your emotional needs. Sex is a very emotional experience, so as soon as the emotion and tenderness leaves the relationship, the sex will no longer be enjoyable and you have the start of a relationship breakdown.

If you both lead busy lives, it's easy for this sort of thing to fall by the wayside. We forget that sometimes we just need to feel needed and not just desired. Make sure you schedule time together if you have to so you can reconnect and boost each others self-esteem. Sometimes by being selfish and expressing a desire for attention we can achieve something not just for ourselves, but for our partner as well.

Never underestimate the power of a hug or the touch of hand. For some, it's harder to do than having sex but can feel so much better. Learn to reach out and ask if you need it and remember to reach out if you think someone else needs it.

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