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We take a look at long term compatibility in lesbian relationships

Compatibility and Lesbians

By Lou Lou

If you're thinking of a long term relationship, here's how to judge if you really are going to be right for each other beyond the first three months of loved up bliss.

The first few months of a relationship are sublime - you're desperately in love and as far as you're concerned, you're going to be spending the rest of your life with this girl.

Really? How do you know? Lesbians are notorious for changing their life for a girl after a few nights of passion and don't tend to look past the rose tinted spectacles on the end of their nose.

The best advice that anyone can take when in a new relationship is to be patient. It's all too easy to set up home, run away together, get married, plan children, but look around - how many of your friends have made the mistake of thinking they have found the one, only to be begging to come out with you on the scene to find someone new.

You'll never be compatible with someone until you know what it is you want from a relationship. Until you've got that part sorted, don't even bother entertaining the thought of more than dating with someone. Everyone has some idea about what they want from a partner and if you sit down and really think about it, you're sure to come up with some pretty good expectations.

Your friends, and even you, may think you're being a little unrealistic, but why settle? This is the person who is going to get the most privileged position as your long-term girlfriend, so why not make it a little tough for her? There's nothing wrong with having a little checklist and ensuring that she meets most, if not all, of the criteria.

So when you've met the girl of your dreams, how will you know she'll still be the one once the embers of passion have died down? Not wanting to wish drama or disaster upon anyone, but a good test of the longevity of a relationship is if you know she's going to be there for you. If she scarpers at the first sign of trouble, it's never going to work. However if you can keep your sense of humour as a couple whilst all around you is falling apart, you can be sure of a good thing.

Another test is if she catches you unawares when you feel you are looking your worst. For example, if she happens to pop around when you're cleaning out the toilet or you've ended up in hospital for some reason and she still proclaims you're as gorgeous as ever, then you're definitely onto a winner.

Beyond this:

  • Check your lifestyle expectations. How do you enjoy spending your leisure time? Is there a close enough match?
  • Do you have some interests in common? You don't need to share everything, but you do need there to be enough that you do share.
  • Do your friends feel you're a great fit - and do they get on with her? While your friends don't dictate the course of your love life, they know and understand you and probably have a more objective view of your girlfriend.
  • Do you tend to agree with each other? Again, we wouldn't expect or wish for an absolute match of all views, but a fair amount of overlap is certainly healthy.
  • Have you had any serious disagreements in the first three months? Think seriously about what happened if you have.
  • Do you get on when you're not having sex?

There are no hard and fast rules to compatibility, but it's what feels right after the first throes of passion are gone. It's what exists when you're standing in the pouring rain after shopping at the supermarket in a foul mood looking like a drowned rat when she turns to you and says she loves you - and doesn't expect anything back.

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