4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

When two women start a new love interest its all about communication

Communicating Love Interest

By Lou Lou

Unfortunately or fortunately (for some) I’ve been flying solo for almost two years now so I’m out of practise with pretty much everything when it comes to meeting someone new. One thing I hadn’t anticipated is getting used to how someone else talks, and them getting used to me. I don’t mean deciphering a new accent; I’m referring to Sexy Talk. Everybody has different names and phrases they have for parts of their bodies, and all of the magical things that can be done with those parts. Unfortunately two attracting opposites may also have opposite preferences when it comes to expressing they are in the mood for lurvin’.

Recently, when I bestowed upon my new love interest a message stating: ‘I wouldn’t say no to the shift, maybe even the ride, right now’ I was mildly shocked to discover this was not the incredibly seductive overture I had envisioned it to be. She was quite turned off in fact. And wasted no time in telling me so. Hmm where was I going wrong? My use of the words ‘shift’ and ‘ride’ started off as somewhat of a joke years ago, y’know with jovially enquiring of people if they ‘got the shift’ after a night out. Over time they somehow worked their way into my everyday vocabulary and I’ve come to think of those words with affection, and use them with those whom I feel affectionate towards.

With some confusion I asked this new maybe-lover (if I kept accidentally turning her off like this we’d be getting nowhere) what words she would use in place of ‘shift’ and ‘ride’. She told me: ‘em, kiss and have sex’. Interesting. Not to sure how I feel about that phrasing, it’s quite alien to me. I’d feel like I was acting rather badly in a cheesey movie if I was to lean in and ask her to allow me the honour of a kiss. It feels far more natural to question ‘so are we gonna shift then?’ Only that tends not to produce the desired results; instead of delightfully accepting my offer she rolls her eyes and says “this is not the 80’s! Stop saying shift!”. Is there a compromise? Or will I have to start practicing putting the words ‘make’ and ‘love’ side by side without gagging?

As things go on with someone new conversation can often progress towards that of a sexual nature. Oh how wrong things can go just because of vocabulary! Talking about sex and feeling frisky are great conversation topics yet it can have the exact opposite to the desired affect if the two of you aren’t on the same wavelength when it comes to the language of lust. Just think of all of the ways one can accidentally insult the other! What is a turn-on for one person can be outright offensive to someone else.

How to find out how they like to be spoken to without risking total turn off? The C word for example. Not a word I use on a daily basis but at certain times I think can be quite hot, and sort of bold and fun. Thankfully, I found out – accidentally – that my new interest finds it extremely derogatory. What word is preferable then? Pussy? Vag? Va jay jay? I’m prone to saying ‘girl parts’ in general conversation, but even I’m aware that this is not sexy talk. And it’s not just what you and she call your vee-vee that can be a passion halter. Ooh no. Breasts, boobs, tits? Ride, have sex, fuck, make love? Ass, bum, junk-in-your- trunk? Wet, turned on, horny? Can I ever pull off saying I’m horny without becoming totally distracted singing ‘I’m horny, horny, horny, horny; sooo horny! Horny, horny, horny, toniiiight’ in my head, sometimes even out loud?

I’ve thought long and hard about how to reconcile this lust language barrier, and feel sure this issue must affect more people than I. I want a universal approach that anyone can apply, something that wouldn’t involve altering how people speak while also not using the words that potentially turn a partner off. I think I have come up with the perfect solution: take to saying ‘y’know’ followed by suggestive eyebrow wriggling in place of any word you’re unsure will go down well:

‘Sooo..would you like to y’know (suggestive eyebrow wriggle)? ’.‘Mmm yeah I love your y’know (suggestive eyebrow wriggle)’. ‘Yeah, put your y’know (suggestive eyebrow wriggle) in my y’know (suggestive eyebrow wriggle)’.

I’ve yet to actually try this out on anyone, but I am sure I’m onto a winner here. Failing that, say if you are not adept at eyebrow gymnastics, I guess there’s always that old tried and tested method of just asking someone what they like.

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