4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

Most people find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex at some point, even if they are not gay

For The Bi-Curious Woman

By Lou Lou

Most people find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex as themselves at some point in their lives, even if they are not gay. It is not easy for a lot of us to fit into neat categories such as gay or straight, and you will find that your sexuality changes and develops over time anyway. Finding you are attracted to someone of the same sex is nothing to be ashamed of and can lead to rewarding and exciting experiences both in and out of the bedroom.

Confused? If you have always thought of yourself as heterosexual, there is no doubt it can be unsettling to find you sometimes have the same sexual urge as a lesbian or a gay man. Sometimes, we admire people or have a “crush” on them that can be quite innocent. It is hard to work out whether we want to be like them or be with them.

Getting close to someone of the same sex may make you feel like you want to get physically intimate with him or her too, but there is no need to worry that this means you are gay. Fretting over which category you fit into is pointless – the way you feel is quite natural and you cannot fight it.

Remember that almost everyone has these desires from time to time. If you are really think you might be gay, there are a lot of helplines that can be useful if you want to talk over your feelings.

Approach someone of the same sex as you would approach someone of the opposite sex. You should always be aware that they might not fancy you, or their feelings might be purely platonic. If you fear they might have a problem with the idea of gay or lesbian sex, try getting their views on the subject before you make a move. Your object of desire might not be rejecting you if they say no – they might just not fancy people of the same sex.

On the other hand, it is something a lot of people like the idea of trying so you may be in luck. Visiting “mixed” clubs or bars is another way to meet people who might be of the same persuasion. These are places where gay and straight people are welcome, so you can meet people who might be interested without feeling under any pressure.

It is always worth being honest with your partner about how much experience you have had. Being together is about more than just sex and if you are with someone you can trust they should respect your feelings enough to take things slowly if need be. You will usually find your partner is only too willing to show you the ropes!

If you do decide to experiment with bisexuality, one benefit is that you know your own body already, and though everyone is different, you can always try out the things you know feel good when someone does them to you. Men sometimes fear that sex with another man would always involve penetration, but this is not the case. When women sleep together they might use vibrators or dildos on each other but many are just as happy with licking, sucking and stroking.

You may decide some things are better left as a fantasy you want to keep to yourself or share with your partner. After all, being unfaithful is the same whether it is with someone of the opposite sex or not. There is nothing wrong with using material such as sexy stories or pictures if this turns you on, and there are few sources of pleasure as rich as our own imaginations!

After a while, you may find that the fantasy fades or that it becomes a regular part of your sexual desires and dreams. Either way, enjoy the fantasy and learn to be comfortable with yourself just the way you are.

Join us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Keep up with us on Pinterest Join our Google Plus circle Join us on Tumblr