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Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

In Love With A Str8 Girl

In Love With A Str8 Girl

By Marisol Solis

I remember a metaphor about love that came from my political science professor in junior college several years ago. During a lecture on Location Theory he suddenly said “Love is like dog sh*t, you’ve already stepped in it before you know it.” I can’t seem to remember how he was connecting Location Theory to love, nor can I remember what Location Theory is, for that matter. But, I do remember having an “a-ha” moment while sitting there nodding and thinking, oh my god, love IS like dog sh*t!

Falling in love is wonderful and heavenly when it’s mutual between two (or more) people. But what if it’s not mutual? What if she doesn’t know that you’re completely and utterly in love with her? Worse than that, what if she’s your closest friend in the world? And even worse than that, what if she’s straight?! Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma…

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? First, you meet someone you click with amazingly well. Then you realize you have more in common with her than anyone else. You spend hours talking on the phone, you share each other’s most intimate secrets, and you love laughing at each other’s silly jokes. Your heart skips a beat when a text pops up and it’s from her. You change your clothes several times before picking the right outfit and check yourself in the mirror more often than you typically do, just to make sure you look perfect for her. And before you know it — when you least expect it– you’ve stepped in dog sh*t.

So, you realize you have feelings for her. And after realizing you have feelings for her, you may also realize that you don’t mind the idea of switching from friends to more than just friends. In fact, you find yourself constantly fixated on her and the idea of being intimately close to her. Now the dilemma rears its ugly head. Should you profess your undying love to her and possibly risk losing the closest friend you’ve ever had? Or should you keep your feelings to yourself and wonder if you’re missing out on the best intimate experience possible with the one person you admire and trust the most?

Dear friend, if you’re reading this, you’re probably in this conundrum. And I wish I could tell you that the answer is easy but with delicate things like feelings and emotions and friendship, it’s unfortunately a lot more complicated because whichever route you choose will have its consequences.

Keeping it to yourself

Of course you can always keep your feelings to yourself. But feel out the situation first. If she doesn’t know you’re a lesbian or bisexual, you may want to casually ask her how she feels about people who are gay. Now, if you get a response close to, “I think they should burn in hell!!!” Abort! Abort! Abort! Hopefully, her response is more on the positive side and if so, and you feel comfortable letting her know about your preference, do it now. She is, after all, your close friend. However, if you’re still unable to tell how she may take it, and if you’re the type of person who’s able to put your emotions aside until you find someone else who is a better fit, then not telling her may be the best option. In that case, you’re assured continued friendship.

Just remember that unrequited love is like that phantom itch on your back that you can’t seem to satisfy. Except this itch may take longer to subside and it will eat you up inside when she starts talking to you about that guy at the gym she’s got a crush on.

Letting her know

So you’ve found that keeping it to yourself is not only eating you up inside but it’s also driving you insane! You lay awake in bed every night depressed, thinking about how it could never be. Every time you see her you’re nervous, you can’t think straight (yes, pun intended) because you have a personal secret that if you were to tell her, will not only possibly end your friendship, but could also make you feel rejected and embarrassed. On the other hand, it may not be all that bad. But, you’re never going to know unless you try. Now, the question is, how?

Be honest

Sometimes just letting her know how you feel will take the pressure off your chest. When you do decide to tell her, make sure you do it in a way where she doesn’t feel cornered, like she has to reciprocate the feeling. In other words, don’t trap her. For example, you may want to tell her that you’ve recently been feeling a sort of attraction towards her. Let her know that you recognize that she’s straight and because of this you may have to keep your distance, at least until the feelings subside.

Best case scenario, she lets you know the feeling is mutual and everyone is gay (again, pun intended)! However, there is the possibility that she may think your friendship up until this point has been under false pretenses of your attraction to her. But just remember that this “coming out” may be a bit overwhelming for her.

Give her time

After dropping a truckload of emotional information on her, give her some time to digest it. She may try to avoid being around you just to make sure she doesn’t give you the feeling that she’s leading you on. She may continue being nice to you but the closeness may never be the same again. She may be weirded out by the whole situation. Don’t get frustrated, she has every right to feel this way. It doesn’t mean your friendship with her is over, it just means it has metamorphosed to something else allowing you more room for a better and more fitting intimate relationship with someone else.

However, giving her time may just work to your favor. When I told my very close friend that I was attracted to her and assured her I’d work on how I was feeling, she responded uncomfortably with, “I mean, I’m not like that (referring to being attracted to the same sex), but if you are, that’s cool. Just not with me.”

Of course hearing that was equivalent to a thousand daggers stabbing at my heart and my ego. But luckily enough we joked about a lot of things and were able to prevent the situation from being a big deal and it didn’t bruise our friendship at all. I backed off, of course, and never mentioned it again. Wouldn’t you know it? Three months later, when we were hanging out at a party, relaxing on the couch, she leans over and gives me a passionate kiss! Unfortunately, scaredy-cat me, wasn’t ready to let the whole world know that I was a lesbian and she started dating another woman.

Love is a sneaky little thing, which happens when you least expect it. Except love isn’t a little thing at all, in fact, it’s such a big thing that it brings many sleepless, restless nights causing you to think about how to express it, especially, when love is unrequited. If only it were as easy to turn it off as it is to turn it on. But having the capability to do that allows us to miss opportunities to learn, grow and experience.

Because we’re lesbians, not only do we have to figure out if the person we’re attracted to will return the attraction back to us, we also have to figure out if she’s even attracted to the same sex. We can constantly ask ourselves, what if? But the truth will never be revealed unless confronted. And although friendship is very important, so is our sanity. Personally, because we only have one life to live, I believe in bringing out the truth and then figuring things out from there. Whatever you decide to do though, I wish you the best of luck.

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