4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

Overcoming Your Inhibitions in lesbian relationships

Overcoming Your Inhibitions

By Mandy Collins

Everyone is inhibited to a certain extent, particularly when with a new lover, but it can be difficult if you are with a same sex lover. If you’re a girl who loves girls, then there are even more pitfalls – whether you be the one who suffers inhibitions, or have a lover who finds it difficult to be anything but inhibited.

It’s all about confidence, self-belief and having trust in not only your partner but yourself. Girls always have an added pressure, particularly in the early stages of dating, with the comparison of each other’s body – so it may be harder to expose yourself in the literal and figurative sense.

This is where working on your self-esteem works wonders. You need to believe that you are beautiful – even if you look nothing like your current playmate. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and it would be difficult to find two women who had exactly the same shape and size body.

Once you realise that you are not better or worse than your partner, you will find that the shackles of inhibition certainly start to loosen quite quickly. If you still find it difficult mentally to bolster yourself in the sack, there are other ways you can make up for your lack of confidence.

Whilst some may say it’s boring making love in the dark, use this to your advantage at first by creating ‘body maps’. Encourage your lover to explore your body in the dark slowly, each time asking how it feels for both of you and describing what can be done with that part of the body. They can then explore whilst you feel comfortable with where they go.

You don’t have to explore everything all at once – just go with what you are comfortable and build from there. Patience really is a virtue in this case for both parties and if you feel uncomfortable at any point, you should be able to feel safe enough to say when you want to stop without any pressure.

Each time you try foreplay or making love, bring a torch and every time you feel comfortable with a part of your body being exposed, ask her to turn on the torch and slowly outline that area with the torchlight. That way you won’t be fully exposed and your confidence will build.

Another trick is to wear a number of layers before getting intimate. Start with the lights on and grade each item of clothing, so that you build your way up the scale to removing important pieces – and if you get to a certain number, perhaps five for the first time, the lights go off. You’ll find that you’ll get to ten in no time at all!

It’s imperative that you do explain your feelings to your partner, as some may see it as a snub and that you don’t trust her. After some honesty on your part, you should build up the trust that will help to break down your inhibitions.

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