4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

We take a look at financial matters within a lesbian relationship

Money Issues

By Alex Kane

Falling in love is great isn’t it? When you’re in love, you want to show your new girlfriend off to the world, spend time with her and show her how much she means to you. So you may want to take her to your favorite restaurants (cha-ching), catch movies at the theatre (cha-ching), drop by your favorite bar and load up on drinks (cha-ching), you may even want to buy her some gifts (cha-ching, cha-ching!). When you’re in love you’re obsessed with her beauty and perfection and money is no object because you just want to give the person who bears your heart, the world!

According to the New York Times bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, the average in-love experience lasts 2 years. And according to the lesbian urban myth, by the second week of your relationship, you most likely have decided to move-in together. If your relationship has lasted for two years, then hold on tight because according to Mr. Chapman, you “will return to the world of reality and begin to assert” yourself.

After two years of living with each other, you may begin feeling like everything should be equal; after all, we are lesbians and thrive for equality. Equality in washing the dishes. Equality in cooking dinner. Equality in taking out the trash. Even equality in whose turn it is to take the dog out to do her business! But one of the most important equality issues that can cause friction in your long-invested relationship and that’s somewhat taboo to talk about is the equality in financial responsibilities.

Some lesbian couples take care of their finances the old-fashioned way, where one surrenders her whole paycheck to the other, and the other pays all the bills, takes care of the groceries and pays for dinner when eating out. This system works if one person doesn’t mind giving up full control of her financial responsibilities, and if the other person doesn’t mind the full responsibility of paying everything. The problem with this system is one’s dependency on the other, where she may not know how to pay bills if anything happens to her paying partner.

Other lesbian couples prefer to keep their money completely separate, which means they both try to pay for everything equally. This includes all the bills, all the groceries, and they may even take turns paying for doggy day care, or eating out in a restaurant. Unfortunately, because not everything is equal, sometimes one may end up paying more out of her pocket than the other, in which, if this is not addressed, may cause friction and bitterness due to the inequality.

Of some of the different ways to address financial responsibilities between lesbian couples, what can you do to still be independent and eliminate the friction caused by the bitterness of not paying equally? Here’s a suggestion. You can open a joint account where you both deposit an equal amount of money, enough to cover all the joint monthly bills (like gas, electric, mortgage, etc.), groceries and any other joint payments. You can even put an equal amount of extra money aside for dinners out. Doing this, will eliminate any awkward circumstances of who will pay for what. Try setting up a direct deposit, this simplifies the process of replenishing the joint account.

In addition to having a joint account, make sure you each have your own separate bank account as well. With this account you have the freedom to spend your money on anything your heart desires, including your own personal bills (like cell phone, personal credit cards, etc.). You can even take your best friend out for dinner and never ask for “financial permission” from your other half. Furthermore, you can spice up your relationship and treat your sweetheart of more than 2 years out for a romantic dinner…all on you! Having your own account allows you to be independent of each other and responsible for your own personal debts. Most importantly, it gives you control over your own money.

This system may not work for all couples, as each of our personal finances and life circumstances vary from lesbian to lesbian. But if you’re a committed lesbian couple without children and you both work pretty decent jobs, you may want to give this financial system a try.

No one ever said maintaining a relationship was easy, but you can certainly do some things to eliminate some of the elements that can threaten your relationship and instead focus on strengthening it.

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