4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

The First Hurdle

By Lou Lou

The first signs of trouble in any relationship often get people wondering whether they are doing the right thing or not. It would seem, however, that lesbians and bisexual women seem to take it that little bit further and either cling on for dear life or run for the hills.

The dynamic between two women as opposed to their straight counterparts can often be complicated, which is why it's important to think first before taking the next train to anywhere but here!

It's easy to think that once you've met 'The One' there will never be any problems and you will live happily ever after and never run into trouble. Not so. In fact, if both of you have this attitude, while it may be commendable, it's going to present all manner of problems.

The most important thing to do in any relationship is to be realistic. We're not saying that you need to expect that you'll be arguing all the time, but you are bound to get fed up with each other at times. Everyone needs her space or has the odd mood every now and again, and the more relaxed you are about this, the better.

Obviously, if you believe there are real reasons to take umbrage, then at least try to broach the subject in a mature and grown-up way. Sticking your head in the sand or running for cover is not one of them!

There is so much pressure on people nowadays to have the 'perfect' relationship - and this just isn't possible. The best thing you can do is accept that nothing is perfect and make the most of what you have. This doesn't mean you should compromise, but if you lower your expectations, not your standards, you should really begin to relax and enjoy your relationship for all the wonderful things that it has to offer.

When you experience your first argument or even the slightest irksome moment with your girlfriend, address the problem immediately. Try not to stew on it and try not to make it bigger than it is - and definitely don't run away!

The worst thing you can do is simply ignore a problem. If you do, things will get worse and you will become resentful. Resolve to solve the issue immediately and things will be so much stronger between you. Arguments help to develop the relationship: you learn so much about each other and through them can work on improvements that will make everything more enjoyable in the long run. If you learn from both of your foibles, you will experience a stronger relationship because of them.

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