4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

No Orgasm?

By Lou Lou

It's easy to assume that when you start dating someone and sleeping together that the sex is going to be fantastic. You think you've met an amazing girl and so does she, so why wouldn't it follow that you are going to have amazing sex?

Unfortunately, it's not always the case and try as you might, it soon becomes a problem. It's not necessarily a case that you've having bad sex, but that there is a problem in having chemistry. Things just don't seem to click - you could both be enjoying yourself, but one of you can't reach orgasm.

As easy as it may be to say, you shouldn't - and mustn't - worry. It is disheartening when you can't seem to make her cum. After all, isn't that what sex is all about? Well, yes and no. Obviously we all want great orgasms, but take a step back and think about it - are you desperate to make her orgasm because of her, or because of your ego? If it's never happened before you might find it to be quite a blow to your confidence, and this is where you have to ensure that things don't change.

By doubting yourself, you're going to get hung up on it all too easily and this is a sure way to ensure she doesn't cum. If you're both so worried about it, you'll start feeling the pressure and nothing else, which in turn will do the exact opposite of what you are trying to achieve.

The key is to relax and try to put it to the back of your mind. You may think that your coming up with grand schemes to ensure that you finally hit the target will work, but it will do the opposite. If you know there is pressure on both of you to perform, she just won't get there and you'll both end up more frustrated in the end - with less and less confidence each time. It's an unfortunate vicious circle that needs to be broken sooner rather than later.

Look at it from a different angle. Forget about the end result and concentrate on enjoying what you are doing at the time. Don't think that the minute you start kissing you're going to have to ensure she reaches orgasm. It's about not putting the cart before the horse and going with the flow.

If you learn to enjoy what you are doing at the time, you should find that your worries soon disappear. Why not give yourself some fun targets that don't involve orgasms? You could try kissing for five minutes, then ten and possibly more - without doing anything else. Or simply giving each other a massage that's as non-sexual as possible. Spend time getting to know each other and try to imagine what it's like for her. She's probably not as worried as you think she is about having an orgasm, but it puts her under pressure to have one. And as a woman, you should know yourself, it's difficult to fake - and be believed.

So, ease up, enjoy what you have - and the rest will fall into place.

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