4Women - Lesbian Relationships

Intimate and sometimes explicit advice and tips on the lesbian relationship and bedroom scene

Quality Over Quantity

By Lou Lou

Three words that often haunt a relationship - lesbian bed death. It happens and when it does, it can cause major problems in a relationship.

So, how often is often enough and how do you keep things interesting each time? The key here is quality, not quantity. It has become all too easy to judge a relationship on the number of times you and a girlfriend have sex. Both media and peer pressure indicate that if we aren't constantly on our backs, knees, fronts or heads at every given moment, then our relationship is not worth having.

Not so. This is a dangerous train of thought that is sure to lead to relationship breakdown time and time again. By adjusting your attitude to what is a good sex life first, you can guarantee that a good sex life is exactly what you'll get.

Quality over quantity always wins hands down. There's nothing worse than a series of rubbish one night stands than sex in a relationship, and there's nothing better than sex in a relationship than good sex in a relationship. You could be shagging away every night but still be unfulfilled.

So how do you obtain good quality sex? Well, for a start, lighten up on yourselves. It's not a race and it's not a competition. Just like everyone, we all like to brag about how amazing the sex is we're having. You can guarantee that in actual fact, a lot of lesbians aren't as happy as they make out.

You need to accept the fact that every relationship is different and it doesn't mean your girlfriend doesn't love or fancy you any less just because you aren't at it morning, noon and night. You need to have realistic expectations and work together as a team towards what you want from your sex life.

Approach it from a different angle. It would be much more fulfilling to have an afternoon, day, night - whatever you choose - of mind blowing sex once a month than something lacklustre and not up to par. By doing that, you're sure to let the steam out of your relationship sooner than you think!

No matter how busy you are, whether you live together or not, make sure you set aside a whole day and night to dedicate to each other. Diarise it if you have to, but ensure that phones are off and there are no other distractions. You need to be able to spend time together without feeling as though something else should be dealt with.

Have a think about what turns you on in the time spent apart from each other (whether physically, emotionally or mentally) and then when you get together, talk about what you want and put it into action.

The best thing is that you will have the time and focus to ensure that you explore absolutely everything your hearts desire, leading to a more fulfilling lovemaking session.

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